bigcitygreensfandomcom-20200223-history
Breaking News/Transcript
Green's house, front yard (Episode title appears as a newspaper headline; Remy is filming it with his camera while Cricket is on the roof with a carton of eggs.) Cricket: Remy, over here! Remy: Hmm? Cricket: Point that camera at me! (camera goes to him) All right, here goes! First boy to ever juggle a dozen eggs! This one's for the record book, so do not miss it this time. I am runnin' outta eggs. (Shows several eggs broke all over the grass.) Remy: Okay! I'm ready! (He starts to juggle.) Cricket: Jugglin' egg one. Jugglin' two eggs. I'm goin' for three. Can I do it? (As predicted, Remy suddenly focuses the camera on a squirrel tugging on his pant leg.) Remy (OS): Oh...oh! Ha-ha...hello, little guy! Do you need something? Aww...I love you, too! Cricket (OS): (under previous) Three eggs! Egg number four! Remy, are you gettin' this? No, no, Remy!! (splats are heard) AHH!!! (He focuses the camera back at Cricket, covered in egg splats from the failed attempt.) Remy (OS): Oh...sorry, Cricket. I got distracted again. Cricket: (hops down) Well, at least Tilly saw it. Right, Tilly? Tilly: (turns around) Huh? Oh, sorry. I was lookin' at a cloud. (ominously) And he was lookin' at me. (Shows a cloud picture above her; it is in the shape of a smiley face emoji.) Cricket: What's the point of doin' somethin' cool if no one sees it?! Tilly: Well, sometimes it's not all about you, Cricket. Sometimes, it's about a dang, creepy cloud watching your every move... (looks at the cloud picture again) Cricket: Is it really so hard for a guy to get a little bit of attention around here?! Bill (OS): Kids, c'mere! I got somethin' excitin' to show ya! Backyard Cricket: What's goin' on, Dad? Is that pig doin' that weird thing again, or -- (All suddenly stop where they are and gasp; pull back to show Bill measuring an oversized watermelon at least twenty times bigger than its normal size.) Bill: Oh-ho...that's the size of a winner. Cricket: Wow! Tilly: Oh, my gosh. Remy: Mr. Green! Bill: Pretty impressive, huh? Cricket, Tilly Remy: Wow... Tilly: Incredible! Remy: Where'd you get it? Bill: I didn't get it, I grew it! With dirt, and water, and my heart. Cricket, Tilly, Remy: Aww... Cricket: Dad's heart melon! Tilly: I can almost hear it beatin'. Bill: This year, I'm goin' for the giant watermelon prize at the county fair. A county fair is a farmer's one chance to spotlight his accomplishments. It sure would be a dream to win. Cricket, Tilly: All right, Dad!/Way to go, Papa! Remy: Mr. Green, that's a great dream! And you'll be able to dream it forever, because there is no county fair in Big City! Bill: (suddenly frowns) What? Remy: I said, there is no county fair in Big Cit...y...OH GOSH, YOU DIDN'T KNOW! I'm so sorry, I thought everyone knew that! Bill: (downcast) No, everyone did not know that. All that work for nuthin'. Guess I'll just have to take her behind the shed and...smash her. Tilly: Poor Papa. Cricket: It ain't right. Dad worked hard. (climbs upon it) And he deserves to be recognized for the fruits of his labor. It's literally the fruit of his labor! How can we get everyone to see this melon...? (He imagines himself holding up the watermelon for all to see.) Cricket: Behold! My dad's watermelon! (He impossibly stretches his arms high enough to hold it over the earth. Fireworks start to go off. Fantasy ends.) Tilly: Or...we could just call the news. (She points to the news tower for Channel 11 News.) Cricket: (gets down) Oh, yeah. That's a much better idea. Front yard (Bill is fixing the Kludge.) Gramma: Didja check your radiator? Bill: Yes, Ma. Gramma: How 'bout the engine? Remember that's the big "vroom vroom" that makes the car go? Bill: Why are you out here again? Gramma: For funsies! (Honking is heard; here comes the Channel 11 News truck, which jumps and lands right on the lawn. The door is kicked open to reveal the news crew, with the orange skinned, redheaded anchorwoman standing front and center.) Anchorwoman: Channel 11 News reporting for duty! And that duty...is reporting. All right everyone, set up, and don't be afraid to move or break something to get the shot! Gramma: What the?! GET THE HECK OFF MY LAWN! I don't know who I think you are, but I! WILL! FIGHT! YOU! Anchorwoman: (overlapping) Hmm...can we get a friendlier grandma? (her assistant shakes his head no) No? Let's just get her out of here. (The assistant takes Gramma away.) Gramma: Stay back, now! Don't you men handle me! I WILL FIGHT! I WILL! Bill: What is goin' on?! Anchorwoman: I'm Maria Media with Channel 11 News. We got a hot tip about a big fruit. Bill: You heard about the watermelon? Anchorwoman (Maria): We've pryed ourselves on always knowing the hottest news stories! (Someone drives behind her, money flying from the windows.) Driver: I just robbed a bank! Ha ha ha! (The police chases him.) Bill: That's fantastic! Though I don't know who told you about all this. Cricket (OS): I did! (The kids roll the watermelon onto the lawn.) Cricket: Introducing the mega melon! Grown by my dad, Bill Green! Bill: Oh, son...! Boom operator: Wow! Cricket: Pretty impressive, huh? Maria: I can see it now: big man, bigger melon. Bill: Hey. Maria: Well, let's get this started! Everyone, set up. Cricket: This is your big chance, Dad! You've worked hard, now it's time to bask in the spotlight. Bill: Thanks, son. Cricket: Show 'em what'cha got, Dad. (goes to the others) We did a good thing. (The filming starts.) Maria: I'm here in downtown Big City where I found something growing out of control. Bill: Uh... (sees his reflection in the camera lens) Oh, boy. Maria: What drove this daredevil farmer to prove his dominance over nature? Bill Green, why did you do it? Bill: Is this...bein'...recorded? Maria: It sure is. Cricket: What's he doin' with his arms? Maria: Well, how did you grow it so big? Bill: I...put a seed...in the dirt...and...watered it. Cricket: Oh no, he's freezin' up! Bill: Nature...it got sunshine...but not too much...sunshine. (inhales) Just got...doin' that...that...that's about it. Maria: (to the crew) Are you sure there isn't a cat stuck in a tree somewhere that we can cover? Cricket: He's losin' 'em! I gotta help him! (runs over) Bill: The rain is good...saves water... (Zooms out to show Cricket sitting on the watermelon.) Cricket: Whoo-hoo! Oh my gosh, wouldja look at this watermelon?! It's so big. Have you ever seen a watermelon this big? I bet not. It's so amazing, I just wanna... (slides off) ...dance! (dances) Watermelon! Watermelon! Bill: Cricket, what are you doin'?! Cricket: I'm spicin' it up a little. I've got 'chur back, Dad. (keeps dancing) Bill: And uh...and fertilizer! That's a melon's best friend. Cricket: ♫ Fertilizer is a melon's friend! ♫ Maria: (gasps; to the cameraman) I take back what I said. Keep rolling. (The cameraman advances forward, now Cricket is reflected in the lens. View from camera zooms past Bill, focusing only on Cricket.) Bill: To keep it from growin' lumps, ya gotta turn it. I keep a schedule, ya see? Tuesdays and Fridays... (fades out) (Cricket notices the camera, its lens reflected in his widened eyes.) Cricket: Huh? Mmm... Living room (The crew has gone; everyone sits before the TV.) Cricket: I can't wait to see Dad's interview! I wonder if anything I did made the cut. Tilly: Maybe they'll use one of your watermelon jokes. They were funny. Cricket: (gasps) Well, bless your heart! Remy: Mr. Green, you're gonna be famous! Bill: (chuckles) Oh, uh...I won't be famous, the watermelon will. (Reveals the watermelon on the couch; Gramma appears from behind, gasping for breath.) Gramma: I've been pinned to this thing for twenty minutes!! Bill: Wow. Your old man's proudest accomplishment, on TV. I gotta admit, I'm a little nervous. Cricket: It'll be great! With a little touch of Cricket spice, you got nuthin' to worry about. (The news theme plays.) Tilly: It's startin'! TV Announcer: Live from downtown Big City, it's Channel 11 News at 6! (Cuts to Maria in her studio.) Maria: Good evening, I'm Maria Media. Our first story takes us downtown, where I found something growing out of control. Bill: Here we go! (Cricket and Tilly anticipate.) Maria: And what I found was... (Cuts to footage of Cricket dancing; topic reads "Found: Wacky Little Boy".) Maria (VO): ...This little boy! (Cricket and Remy gasp; Tilly spits out her drink.) Tilly: Wha...?! Bill: Huh? (Cricket starts goofing off and doing tricks.) Maria (VO): When we showed up to film some other boring thing, local funny boy Cricket Green showed us the true meaning of wacky. TV Cricket: (doing the "cut off finger" trick) AHH! MY FINGER'S BROKEN! Just kiddin'. I tricked ya, huh? (He cartwheels across the roof in his underwear.) Maria (VO): This little boy showed us... TV Cricket: (falls off) Agh!! Maria (VO): How to unleash our inner Cricket. TV Cricket: (drinks water; miming with Phoenix) "I'm a talkin' dog!" (He makes fart sounds with his legs; the family is shocked.) TV Cricket (OS): It's the back of my knees! Cricket: Ooh...I made it too spicy. TV Maria: Is there anything you'd like to say to Big City? TV Cricket: I'M CRICKET GREEN AND I'M NUMBER ONE! Cricket: No! They cut me off! I was gonna say "I'm number one...at appreciating this watermelon!" Maria: On to our next story... Bill: Did anyone even see the watermelon? Gramma: I did - it was in my way the whole time! Tilly: You kinda took over, Cricket. Cricket: I -- I don't know what happened! It was all a blur! (progressively mesmerized) I saw the camera lens on me, and well... (laughs slowly) Tilly: (claps) CRICKET! Cricket: (snaps out) Huh? Whoa, oh-okay, I-I'm sorry, but...I mean, you gotta admit, I gave 'em some really good material, and they used it. You can't blame me for that. Bill: (sighs) You're right, son. You make for pretty good television. (Silence) Cricket: Hmph. Dang it, Cricket! It's not always about you. (runs to the watermelon) Remy! Tilly! Help me with this! Bill: Cricket, what are you doin'? (They struggle to push the watermelon out.) Cricket: Don't touch that remote! I'm gonna make things right! Bill: Cricket, you can't just -- Gramma: (stops him from standing) Oh, we're not goin' anywhere. I wanna see the next story. TV Announcer: Next up: Can paper kill? Gramma: If it can, I'll be ready. (holds scissors and paper) Channel 11 News tower, rooftop (The kids struggle to get the watermelon onto the roof, they stop and pant tiredly.) Cricket: That wasn't easy, but we got it. I don't know if this is gonna work, but dang it, it's the only plan I've got. News room Male reporter: And now you know the shocking truth...about paper. Maria: I know I'll think twice about makin' a paper airplane. Male reporter: Maria, this isn't funny. (She doesn't see the watermelon swinging down from outside.) Maria: Well, he's got that right. (chuckles) Cameraman: LOOK OUT! Maria: (sees the watermelon) Huh? AGH! (She gets out of the way just as the watermelon breaks through the window onto the podium. It is witnessed by a family of three eating dinner, then someone in a living room.) Living room man: Honey, there's a gosh-dang watermelon on TV! Man's wife (OS): Zip it, Ed! (Cuts to a man in a messy room.) Messy room man: Well, melons are comin' to take what's rightfully theirs. (puts foil hat on head) (The kids slide down the rope into the studio.) Cricket: Make way for mega melon! (lands and unties rope) Attention, citizens of Big City! Do not attempt to adjust your televisions! Audio Engineer: (gasps) Assistant: Cut to commercial! (She starts to press the "commercial" button, but Tilly slams a clapboard at her.) Tilly: I wouldn't do that if I were you. Remy: WE'RE YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE! (yells and does various karate chops) Tilly: Too much. Cricket: Y'all better listen up, 'cause I got somethin' real important to say! Maria: Oh my gosh, that's that weird funny kid from earlier! Cricket: Yes, yes, that was me. Maria: Oh, can you do your little dance? It was so funny! (The crew starts cheering in reply.) Cricket: No! No, no, you don't understand! I'm not here for me! Messy room man: Dance, little doomsday boy! (Shows he is watched by people downtown.) City folk: Dance! Dance! Dance! Cameraman: The camera loves you, kid! Do it again! (advances toward Cricket) Cricket: Ahh!!! Stay back! This isn't about me! (his butt starts to move) AGH! No! My body's betrayin' me! Maria: This boy was made for the spotlight! Tilly: He's givin' in! (Cricket starts to move more before it turns into a dance; he becomes slowly mesmerized as before.) Cricket: I...came here to do...somethin'... (smiles; lens in eyes) But...I...can't remember. (sees himself in the lens) All I see is me...and they love me! Hallucination (He imagines himself in black space; a spotlight shines on him as hands applaud and he dances for them.) Audience voices: You're so talented! Yeah! You're a star! Dance for us! We love you, Cricket! Bill's voice: Ohhh... Cricket: Huh? (The hands fade.) Bill's voice: Ohhhhh...!!! Cricket: Who is that? (He spots a wilting watermelon nearby; he picks it up, revealing Bill's face and hat on it.) Watermelon Bill: Son? (coughs out seeds) Cricket: Dad? What's wrong? Watermelon Bill: I...I need light... Cricket: Light? (looks at the spotlight) But that's...my light. Audience voices: Come back, Cricket! You're a star! Cricket: Ooh, you sure you don't need like, water, or anything else? Watermelon Bill: No...light... (Cricket finally realizes.) Cricket: Hmm... (He stands in the spotlight and holds Watermelon Bill high.) Watermelon Bill: (gasps) Yes! Cricket: Take the spotlight, Dad! You deserve it! (He begins to grow back to life.) Watermelon Bill: I'm...growing! I feel...alive!! Cricket: Grow, Dad! Grow! Newsroom/Green's house, living room (Hallucination ends; Cricket stops dancing and snaps out. The crew is still cheering him.) Maria: Kid, your rating's gold! Cricket: NO! Listen up! (jumps off the watermelon) I'm here on a selfless mission! I'm such a dang charismatic fool, I had to go and steal the spotlight when it should've been on my dad, Bill Green! (Bill and Gramma are watching him.) Cricket: And his amazing watermelon! Bill: (touched) Son... Cricket: He worked so hard and asked for no kudos, but the man deserves his kudos. So admire this melon. I want all of Big City to bask in its glory! (Everyone witnesses the watermelon.) Cricket: BASK! (The townsfolk chatter.) Green man: Wow, that Bill Green sure knows how to grow a watermelon. Living room man (Ed): That's a prize watermelon, right there. Ed's wife (OS): ZIP IT, ED! Cricket: My dad grew it with dirt, water, and love! Bill: I did. Crew: Aww... Tilly: He did it! Cricket: Now if everyone would do me the favor of placing their licks on the TV screens! (He jumps off the podium and wheels the camera toward the watermelon.) Cricket: Let's all give this watermelon a biiiig kiss! (the camera bumps against the stage and falls forward) Whoa. (The lens of the camera bumps against the watermelon, causing it to roll back the other way.) Cricket: Agh!! (He tries to stop it but fails.) Tilly, Remy: Uh... (The watermelon rolls its way out the window, falling down into the streets, where it splats all over the road. Cricket turns toward the camera, jaw dropped wide; Bill and Gramma are stunned silently for a moment.) Bill: I can't believe it... (then ecstatic) My watermelon was on TV!! Category:Episode Transcript Category:Season 1 Transcripts Category:B Category:A-Z